18 July 4706 - The Past Little While
Roight.
So what have I been doing for the past month?
It feels like all I've been doing is trying to get another job and another place
to live. And it feels like what I should have been doing is relaxing. For most of
it, work has been the most relaxing part of my day. So I'll go in all burned out
and then set up the lab or room, and then sit down and not do all the things I
keep telling myself I'm going to do at work, like design a Magic set or make more
of my most excellent comic.
Even now I'm having a hard time thinking of what I'm supposed to be telling you.
Just, not a lot has been happening, yes? I get plenty of opportunities during the
week to see the GMU-based crowd and sattelites, and generally don't have time left
for finding others. I guess I could call out the notable exceptions.
Though I'm sure it has been much more time consuming for him, my own preparations
for Spencer's wedding occupied many of the (admittedly short to begin with) evenings
I had leading up to it. Not that I didn't know what to wear. I knew exactly what to
wear and if I didn't there would be fists a-flyin'. I thought going in to the deal
that on the whole I would be getting the short end. I mean, I like marriages more
than I like weddings, and the kind of showy folderol that all marriage receptions
(read: the earstwhile fun part) turn out to be simply turn me off.
Let alone that I was disabled from socializing for other reasons.
I still learned an awful lot, and I think, came out ahead of the deal anyway, so
on the balance I'm satisfied.
Oh, and before I go on, my satisfaction with events is meaningless in the face of
the spiritual union the ceremony represents, so I would have agreed to the deal and
to much more for much less in return, just so you don't think I'm a total waste for
talking about the event in terms of what I got out of it. You can bloody well imagine
how beautiful it all is on your own.
Roight. I learned more about what the table group thinks of weddings, both collectively
and individually. I learned of the ancient ones, whom I had often felt through the
nostalgia of others, but never directly heard about. It was satisfying to see in
person some of the tying threads of the dispirate and broken.
I learned that I never need look further than my arm for funny material for my comic,
and that I should leave all the personal grief of it on the blotter.
And I learned that no matter what I try to do, nothing is really going to change,
either for my favor or for the favor of those whose comfort I care about. My intent
and actions for the immediate future are feckless without the will of the subject.
Moving mountains is not enough. Working in secret is not enough. Enough is simply
not enough. No one is going to ask how my day went who really cares to hear, and
no one who really hears will care to ask.
And even more importantly, I learned that I really don't care. Eventuality is on
my side. Those who appreciate what I do will come to know so and say so in time.
My part is to simply do as I do, and await the day.
But until the day comes, each person who reads this will feel the curse and the call.
You who read must find someone in your life who makes a difference, who can
demonstrate reliability and compassion for your cause. And when you have found this
person you must give thanks in a meaningful way.
Until you do so, the geas will hound you and fester inside. Food will taste bland
and entertainment will be boring. You will find it most simple to satisfy the geas.
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