Why have I not been around?

It's complicated. I've been busy.

Not exactly busy, though. I need a new word. So what have I been doing?

I have been on call.

At my job, I'm essentially on call all the time, and not given anything specific to do. So while I'm here, I get to make comics, update my website, research vampire history, and read about Magic cards.
I have to be ready to drop it all in a second to answer the phone or a walk-in. But no big deal, the work is all stuff I can do even though lately my position has been more secretarial than ever and I don't end up feeling like I've done anything at all a lot of the time when people leave with a smile or a sweet word over the receiver. On call. Ready.

So in my seemingly abundant free time I come up with stuff to do that by and large I can accomplish on my own and show to others later. The comics, the documentary, the rules pages of my website for the Startroid bunch, the online game I've been working on for years, videos for the Let's Play thread of the somethingawful forums for Matt and Kurt, and a few other miniature projects that escape my notice at the moment. Catching Giratina over and over again in pokemon to get one I like, fr'instance.

But you know, none of that is really work. So it always feels like I'm slacking off while I'm doing all of these things, compounded by the fact that I could either suddenly feel like doing one of the other tasks, or by the interruption of one of my on call positions.

The other on call position being witch-doctor, naturally. And I can't really quit that one. For the past couple weeks, though, it felt like I had been given time off. I actually exhausted myself of it one night, leading me to understand that no one around really needs me. Downtime. Time to do your fun little projects. Just be ready in case anyone calls.

Spells like this will baffle you and drive you mad. When nothing happens so long, when the dry spell goes and goes, the anxiety of what is to come, inevitable as it is, is overwhelming. And then the fact that I can't really share it with anyone, because no one else sees as I do. Spiritual dry spell.

But no worries, just biding my time.

Waiting to be torn in ten directions at once.

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