29 May 4705 - Mock Physics Article

Theoretical physics is among the finest comedy around. The philosophy of physics is to talk about your theories about the inherently unsolvable or improvable as though they are fact, and use these facts to further link other ideas to each other minus the logical basis for doing so. All under the auspices of the highest learning of the land, billions in funding and chains of series of books full of the same circular crap.
Actually I hold theoretical physics and the philosophy thereof in high regard, though it may sound like I hate the bastards. Rather I'm somewhere on the other side of that, using their same reasoning where maybe it better applies and not publishing chains of series of books about the areas of my expertise. If I did, though, you can expect that I shall take on at least three pseudonyms, and publish each as a response to the last, often with harsh and incisive criticisms of its tenets.

For today, though, I felt it would do my writing muscles good to attempt a pastiche of an article on string theory, or any theory for that matter. This will prove fun for a number of reasons n, where n is a rational number between 1 and n:

1) I get to make fun of people who are better educated than I am.
2) I get to use the word pastiche to describe what I'm doing.
3) I get to see just how bad I am at affecting a style other than my own, and encouraging dialogue. Dialectic practice.
4) I get to see how good or bad I am at synthesizing content from effectively topical nothingness. Synthesis practice.
5) I get to explain technical gobbledygook away with simple analogies. Star Trek practice.
b) I get to make logical lists that end in illogical ways. Maybe even pathological ways.

The topic at hand, however, which I shall strive to demonstrate and later prove, regards Hors theory of Winter Sky hot bodies as it relates to low-dark-matter-high-density-spaces, or LDMHDS (called lidmahids by the scientific community).

There exists a translational space that signifies a link in the underlying duality of Hors theory (part of H₈ megatheory) and Drik's sub-spatio-homogenic relationship. The mathematics involved in making a Hors subspace allows it to describe dark bodies in terms of circles of radius R and spheres of radius also R, where Drik's relationship concludes with crafting of subspaces described by 1/R. This seeming translational paradox went unseen by the scientific community until the late 1990s, when Earnstx Walter demonstrated that by replacing the greek lambda used by Drik's relationship theorists with a roman el to signify the change that occurred in the theory at the time.

That is, ordinarily, when pathological or stochastic processes are described by statisticians in regards to the underlying parameters of a population, the equations used to characterize these relationships are printed with greek letters. Walter recognized that by eliminating statistics from his theory, he could do away with the greek letters. This rapidly led others to apply the same principle to their own studies, and while losing the scientific rigor of the statistical underpinning in doing so, they gained greatly in the marvelous range of broadened application to now-related theories of the stuff of the universe: that is, unifying theories.

As it applies to Drik's relationship, the previously defined subspaces of Hors theory can now be used to describe lidmahids with or without H₈ principles. This is an amazing revelation and marvelous boon to cosmological constanticians and picophysicists alike, who are scheduled to meet at a global summit later this year to appoint a committee to choose a date for the holiday celebrating this excellent breakthrough in unification theory: called D-H day in honor of the theory names, or simply D-day for short. The official slogan is rumored to be "D is for victory," although this seems a little far off.

With the R and 1/R connection between the theories, all of Drik's relationship can be applied to the areas of Hors theory, which allows dark matter to be described in terms of water density manipulation. Before this, dark matter had been describable only in its equivalent mass in gravity, and since often opposite in application, direction, and flavor, finding ways to make analogies for the effects of dark matter and its brother dark energy were starting to look dour. Physicists could only take shots in the dark at finding the correct analogy.

Said picophysicist Colosso Minasculus about the D-H link: "Before, we could only talk about dark matter in terms of massive, measurable differences is orbital cosmological bodies with respect to their relative centers of orbit or fixed point locators. Now we can demonstrate matrices of lidmahid eigenvalues by their associated densitometric deuterium- and tritium-rich water reserves, whether anti-matter or matter. Its the difference between night and day."

But objectors claim that this link is a false one, and is leading modern science further away from the breakthrough on dark matter, and more importantly the lidmahid dark water that Hors originally postulated as existing somewhere in the universe using his stochastic model. The transcription is reversible, however, as R and 1/R can be easily turned into one another with mathematics that is outside of the scope of this article. Hors dark water remains the crucial element of the theory translation, however, and the main point of contention of the objectors to the theory within the scientific community. Critics of Walter and others expressed their concerns at a recent science olympics:

"You can lead a Hors to Walter, but you can't make him Drik."

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