11 May 4705 - Speaking of Nippon

There are two phrases that everyone who is going to be living in Japan for a visit should know. Really there are three, and between these three you can get through any situation at all, but I'm a little hazy on the third, because it was the first that I learned, at it came from a sketchy source back when I was high-school age and so was she.
Also she called me that-which-I-am-never-to-be-named, so the creds of the source are low in this case.

The first two phrases are solid, and you should try them out in English.

Kimine wa konke naio.
It's none of your business.

Now here's a useful phrase. People are going to be nosing around quite a bit, and while you can't get vendors to offer you the correct juice by telling them your choice is none of their business, you can slide through a whole hell of a lot of other things, if you are the schlemiel in question. If you're the schlimazel, though, you'll need to be armed with the phrase that blames.

Dare wa sekkinin o torimaska (or toru ka if you're being extra rude).
Who will take responsibility for this?

Aside from openly blaming someone else for shit that's probably your fault anyway, this little wonder phrase has the added benefit of allusion to Japanese custom. When an American takes responsibility for something, he apologizes openly and then takes steps to fix the problem, or simply allows himself to be the subject of public blame and carries on as he has. When a Japanese takes responsibility for something, he resigns his post before he's fired, after fixing what it is he messed up. When you ask "who will take responsibility for this," what you're really saying is "who will resign because of this blunder?" Its the phrase that pays.

I'll give you the third because it fills the rather small gap that the other two leave (and I'm talking about conversational stuff, if you want to introduce yourself to people, describe tea price trends, or draft poetry, you do actually need other words). Its also the only one I want advice on fixing because my source is so sketchy. If you feel compelled to reply to the previous two with a "you should spell (or form) your romaji this way instead," you'll earn the angry dome, and no one wants to see that. You can correct me on the last one, though. That's allowed.

Souri wa baka bana chi (or shi, I kindof slur it somewhere in between whenever I say it).
That's crazy talk!

So one of my friends wanted to be able to say "that's crazy talk" in as many languages as possible. When I last knew of his records, he knew eight ways to say it. If the conversational event in question has nothing to do with something you're doing wrong (where you would tell people its none of their business), and nothing to do with something they're doing wrong (where you demand their resignation), you simply tell them that their jibber-jabber makes no sense at all, which should solve whatever it is you need.

And now you're armed with all the conversational Japanese you'll ever need. They want to practice their English on you, though, so you really shouldn't need any of it.
Oh, and if you can learn any, throw a couple of insults in there somewhere. Insults are like a secondary currency, and can get you treats.

Also, since this is mostly my memory anyway, I have to make a mashup of Chili Peppers "Snow" and this song I heard on the radio the other day.
From those that were there, if you can remember the song in question, that would help a lot, too.

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